Copying with Grief

A question commonly asked by bereaved people at this time of year is, “How can I get through the holidays?” There is really no single answer of what one should or should not do. Hospice Foundation of America (HFA) stresses on the guiding principle: Do what is comfortable.

When we are already experiencing the great stress of bereavement, the additional strains of the holidays can create unbearable pressure. The key to coping with grief during the holidays is to find the way that is right for you.

Jack Gordon, President of HFA

Some people find it helpful to be with family and friends, emphasizing the familiar. Others may wish to avoid old sights and sounds, perhaps even taking a trip. Others will find new ways to acknowledge the season.

Here are some key points from HFA:

• Plan for the approaching holidays. Be aware that this might be a difficult time for you. The additional stress may affect you emotionally, cognitively, and physically; this is a normal reaction. It is important to be prepared for these feelings.
• Recognize that holidays won’t be the same. If you try to keep everything as it was, you’ll be disappointed. Doing things a bit differently can acknowledge the change while preserving continuity with the past.Be careful not to isolate yourself. It’s alright to take time for yourself, but don’t cut yourself off from the support of family and friends.
• The holidays may affect other family members. Talk over your plans. respect their choices and needs, and compromise if necessary.
• Avoid additional stress. Decide what you really want to do, and what can be avoided.